Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my first listicle! This fascinating – if I do say so myself – countdown is inspired by a written warning I recently received from a crabby officer for “excessive lane change” – a critical observation that is completely subjective, IMHO. So, without further ado, I introduce:
The top 10 dumbest rules, regulations and bans that are totally worth breaking!
- It’s against the law to educate dogs in Hartford, CT. Someone call the 5-0 because my ex’s new girlfriend went to Trinity College and clearly that’s illegal. BURN.
- Speaking of pups, you can’t legally tease a dog by making ugly faces at it in Normal, Oklahoma. Again, alert the exes. Ohhhh snap!
- You can’t legally fall asleep under a hair dryer in Florida, which is totally nuts because salons are where Floridian grandmas take their best naps.
- Pittsburg has a cleaning ordinance that says you can’t sweep dirt under your rug, which sucks because that’s how I deal with all awkward social interactions.
- The worst one of all — The city council of Beaumont banned dancing and rock n’ roll music – even though prom is right around the corner! Luckily hunky Ren McCormack just blew in from Chicago and he brought his killer dance moves and rebellious attitude.
(Believe it or not, this storyline to Footloose is based on the true story of Elmore City, a small, rural and heavily Southern Baptist town in Oklahoma that banned dancing until 1980. Not cool, bro.)
Time to stop playing so cool, obeying every rule and kick off your Sunday shoes!